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Years ago, a world class horse trainer invited me to ride one of his highly trained horses.  He explained the horse is so sensitive that she doesn’t need a bridle. I could guide her by shifting in the saddle or a gentle nudge with my knee. It reminded me of Paul’s words, “For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. Romans 8:14 (NLT2) I long to be that sensitive to God. How about you?

This doesn’t automatically happen. A horse can always put the bridle between his/her teeth and ignore the guidance. It is the same with us if God guides us to do something that we don’t want to do. It all hinges on just how intense we are about learning to please our God.

God invited you and me by saying, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with my eye. Do not be like the horse or like the mule, which have no understanding, which must be harnessed with bit and bridle…” Psalm 32:8-9 (NKJV)

Can you remember when, as a child, you were doing something wrong and your mom gave you ‘that look’? You knew by that look what she was thinking. Or, do you remember the rush of adrenaline when that gorgeous guy/gal gave you that certain ‘look’. It told you that a person had an interest in you. The Bible character, Peter, boasted he would never desert Jesus. Jesus responded, saying, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” (Matthew 26:34) Sure enough, Peter denied Jesus and Jesus gave him ‘that look’.

It really doesn’t matter if God nudges you, whispers or gives you ‘that look’. The point is, He is communicating with you and if you don’t pay attention and follow His leading, your spiritual ‘ear’ will eventually become calloused and will miss the joy of His leading and your obedience.

My grandson so wanted God to speak to him. He had fasted and prayed, taken time alone to hear God, but He said nothing happens. Recently, he was reporting a conversation he had with his mother. He told me of how various good thoughts came to him I knew were revelatory. I stopped him and said, “Izac, those thoughts were God’s words to you. He is talking to you.” He had expected God’s voice to be sensational instead of just unexpected good thoughts that come to him. Since what had been happening was different that he expected God’s whispers to sound like, he had been missing out when God actually was nudging or whispering to him. Could it be that your misguided expectation is why you don’t think God is talking to you?

Yes, we can be overzealous and attribute to God our false ideas of how He will speaking to us . Our flawed expectations of how God will speak can help us learn to recognize His true voice. When learning to recognize ow His voice, we must expect to make honest mistakes. Solomon wrote these very insightful words.  Where there are no oxen (Holy Spirit power working), the manger is clean (no mistakes or messes), but abundant crops (spiritual fruitfulness) come by the strength of the ox (Spirit). Proverbs 14:4 (ESV) Don’t allow the fear of making a mistake rob you of learning to recognize God’s look or whispers. Just say, “I think God may be saying…..” Those words provide plenty of room for honest mistakes.

Evangelicals see Biblical faith as a divine gift. But that is where it stops. This matter calls for serious reflection. However, the time spent considering it is worthwhile.

Elements of this concept necessitate a spiritual faith humans lack the capacity to produce or transmit. Accepting God’s identity isn’t the same as having spiritual faith. It is a deep conviction implanted by God; a part of Himself is implanted in everyone. “For by grace, you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 (ESV)

The mystery intensifies when considering how a nonbeliever might submit to God. John 3:16 specifically says, “whosoever believes.” A nonbeliever believing in God raises the question: what kind of faith is that? John wrote, “Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. But Jesus on his part did not entrust [same basic Greek word used of the crowd] himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man. John 2:23-25 (ESV) Obviously, we see two types of belief, or faith, here. The Holy Spirit inspired the humanity of Jesus to discern the difference in their type of faith.

I often pondered Paul’s words, “But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift. Ephesians 4:7 (ESV) And, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Romans 12:3 (ESV)

 Could it be that this ‘’measure of faith’ came with ‘eternity’ that was planted in the hearts of mankind? (Ecclesiastes 3:11) With this in mind, could it be that everyone is given enough of His faith to respond to the Father’s drawing of a person to Jesus? (John 6:44) The question is not, does such a person have faith, as much as it is, what do they do with the measure given them?

Biblical texts place great importance on what a person desires. The distractions of the disciples’ rejection and Jesus’ apparent insult only strengthened, not weakened, the gentile woman’s faith in who Jesus was. (Matthew 15:22-28) When Jesus saw the depth of her conviction, He said she had “great faith,” a contrast to Peter’s “little faith” demonstrated during his walk on water. Though she couldn’t manufacture faith, she built upon the measure of faith given her by forcefully pushing past the distractions. This would be a complete contrast to those in who refused to glorify God. (Romans 1:18-25)

We don’t have stronger faith because we haven’t sought to know Him more earnestly. To grow in faith, I need to examine my desire for closeness to Him. Then vow to feed it by making time to mediate on His Word until He reveals more of Himself to me.  Then never stop chasing after knowing Him more deeply. I’ve discovered that journaling my reflections on what scripture says about Him and His relationship with humanity strengthens my faith. He attends to those who crave Him. Are you content with your faith, or do you long for a deeper connection? How have you been striving to develop a deeper, more personal relationship with Him? He satisfies those who hunger and thirst for Him.

Early in our marriage, Connie and I purchased an elegant teak wood table that had an ideal history. Thirty-plus years later, when attempting to refinish it, we discovered it only had a thin teakwood veneer and couldn’t be refinished.

Could it be one’s perception of their faith is only a ‘veneer finish?’ It’s commonly thought Peter had great faith when he walked a short distance on the stormy water to Jesus. Jesus called that faith “little faith”. (Mt. 14:21) Yet, after testing a gentile woman, He said she had “great faith”. (Mt. 15:28) The difference lay in the conviction, or lack thereof, focused on who He was.

At a Passover, John 2:23 reads “many believed in his name,” when they saw the miracles He did. Yet the next verses reads, “But Jesus on his part did not entrust [same Greek word as above] himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.” John 2:24-25 (ESV) Peter used the same Greek word in his impromptu sermon that produced 3,000 converts. My point is ‘all faith or belief is not equal.’ Paul wrote, “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.” 2 Corinthians 13:5a (NIV)

How might Jesus define our faith or belief? Jesus gave this clue as to what He is looking for. “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.” Matthew 11:12 (NIV) Could it be this gentile woman epitomized such inner forcefulness or conviction by pursuing Jesus even after He had insulted her?

The faith Jesus calls great a deep resolute conviction that refuses to be distracted. Moses endured, not because he had an ideal of right and duty, but because he had a vision of God, regardless of the circumstances. He “endured, as seeing Him Who is invisible.” Anything less than that would be using, not worshipping Him. The kingdom of God is all about humility, not presumption, or selfishness. When we are humble, we will be grateful for whatever He does because we know He works all things together for the good of those “called according to His purpose”. (Rom. 8:28) Is your faith in what He can do or who He is? If it is the latter, if He is silent, we will know His character will always be stunningly good after all the dust settles.

No, this blog isn’t a spin-off of John of the Cross’ poem or perspective of spiritual life. I had to go to the internet to find the source of that statement. Although the phrase sounds religious, it sounded too far out for me. My version of it was birthed early one morning. It left an encouraging mark on my inner being. So, relax and try to stay with me on this.

In my case, it was a reflection of Connie and my last several years of her dying process. It was the last half of a verse in one of David’s Psalm 30 that was on my mind. “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5b (ESV) Notice the contrast is between weeping and joy, not necessarily popularity, or whatever the world defines as success. Joy is not giddiness, irresponsibility or human happiness. Rather, it is an internal good sense of well-being, contentment, hope, value to God. Weeping results from mourning, depression or desperation.

Consider how many Bible characters experienced a dark time of night before experiencing God’s joy in the morning. Joseph first came to my mind. As a teenager, he enjoyed the favor of Jacob, his father. But then his jealousy brothers ushered in his dark time. He suffered not only severe rejection, but the possibility of them killing him and betraying the father he loved. That evolved into being sold into slavery, running from his boss’ sex obsessed wife and ending up in prison, all because he honored his God. Then the Spirit empowered him to interpret his cellmate’s dreams, but then again, forgotten in that depraved penitentiary. The time this took for all this to unfold would have felt like a lifetime to a young man. I suspect at times, he wondered where God was. Finally, light dawned, lifting the darkness by the brilliance of sunshine. But he came out of those dark years as a mature man. Neither he nor God wasted the pain of that darkness.

David experienced similar treatment of brothers, then that of his deranged king. Imagine being a fugitive running for your life from someone you had only tried to bless! Interestingly, David wrote some of his Psalm when running to escape King Saul’s army! That would be like Paul singing in prison. The amazing part to me was the attitude David maintained towards the king, whose insecurities were driving him to mental and emotional madness. Some of his Psalms suggest David wondered where God was. The first part of this verse suggests he thought God was angry with him. But as with Joseph, joy came in the morning and David grew in his faith in God through it all. These men didn’t waste their sorrows.

Job, Paul, even the heathen king, Nebuchadnezzar, went through their very dark times before the sun arose to shine. Nebuchadnezzar, as a heathen king, went from being king to eating grass like an animal. But he then recognized God, and the sunlight returned. Even Jesus had to pass through the darkest of nights, sweating drops of blood before His resurrecting and ascension.

In Connie’s case, she suffered confusion, disappointments, and agonizing physical pain. Those were dark days, for sure. But today, she is basking, worshipping, and rejoicing in the brightness of our trinitarian God’s Heaven. In my case, the dawn of light is slowly dispelling the darkness. I’m eager to experience the fullness of the day that I know will be coming.

So, what kind of darkness have you, or someone you love, been experiencing? Remember, this too shall pass. “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?” Psalm 121:1 (ESV)

I deeply value life-change, but not just for the sake of change. I eagerly want to become more like Jesus. I realize it is a lifetime ambition. But, if I’m not being changed into His likeness, I realize I’m fossilizing, which is only a shell of what once was.

In processing the idea of changing into His likeness, I’ve had to wrestle with exactly what might His likeness actually looks like. After referencing God’s design for how believers grow spiritually, Paul wrote, “And so we shall all come together to that oneness in our faith and in our knowledge of the Son of God; we shall become mature people, reaching to the very height of Christ’s full stature.” Ephesians 4:13 (TEV) “…For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son…” Romans 8:29 (ESV) This begs the question; what might be the common definition of what “the very height of His full stature” or “the image of his Son” looks like in real time? Is it similar to the old familiar phrase “What would Jesus do” which is subject to the perspective the person quoting it might have of Jesus? If they envisioned Jesus as being very tolerant, they might say He wouldn’t mind me committing adultery or stealing because He would want me to be happy.

To have an accurate definition of the “full stature” and “image” of Christ, we must find a dependable source that isn’t determined by human opinion or fantasy. To do this, we would need to examine the values, attitude, character factors He displayed and/or also found in His teaching while living on this earth. I started listing a few such characteristics that would be consistent with those factors. Here is my starting list. You can add to it or subtract from it. A growing apprentice of Him would continually increase in having…

• A spirit with the likeness of Jesus’ passionate spirit for His Father
• His passionate spirit became clear in how He restricted His own desire to the point He did ONLY what He saw (or otherwise sensed) His Father do. (Jn. 5:19)
• He disciplined Himself to get up before dawn to talk with His father. (Mk. 1:35)
• He obeyed to the point of allowing Himself to be crucified. (Phil. 2:8)
• Asking instead of telling, which shows respect for the rights of others to choose to follow Jesus and grow into His likeness on their own. (Mt. 10:21)
• Self-sacrificing perspective of life. (Jn. 10:11, 15)
• A relationship with Christ that reflects a deep conviction and confidence in who they are and what they are doing. (Jn. 13:3)
• Trust/confidence in the voice of the Spirit and the Bible instead of logic or emotion or others. Or perhaps it could be said, His apprentice would not try to counsel God but listens and obeys Him. (Jn 8:26)

It is not just about doing what He did, it is about being the person He was. Considering this, you can also contemplate Jesus’s other defining characteristics. He was gentle rather than harsh. In the Sermon on the Mount, He taught about the characteristics He himself embodied.

Defining characteristics Jesus Christ lived out makes my aspirations feel more tangible. I have a clear target of what I am aiming at and can tell how much closer I’m getting to the bullseye. This helps me to see if I am growing or fossilizing. How might it affect you?

I confess, my mind and heart have been captivated by the necessity of making authentic disciples of Jesus. Like most definitive Biblical words, the word discipleship has been seriously abused in the church. In scripture, the Greek word translated ‘disciple’ can be used two ways in the Bible. First, it is used in John 6:66 in a wider generic way that refers to a pupil or learner. However, that word is rarely used in scripture to mean that. Today, the word ‘Christian’ meaning ‘little Christ’ (another great term), has suffered the same abuse. Nowadays, it too has come to refer to anyone who mentally ascribes to bare bones Christianity. Both words today might be used interchangeably, in that today neither a ‘disciple’ nor ‘Christian’ genuinely seek to be like Jesus.

In John 6:66-69, generic type ‘disciples’ left Jesus, but His 12 ‘disciples’ did not. According to surveys, 63% call themselves ‘Christians’ or ‘disciples’. But surveys also show, only 4% seriously seek to be Christ’s apprentice or become like Jesus. To them, becoming an apprentice is only an option, not what Jesus really expects from every believer.

Recently, a blog entitled ‘Salvation by Discipleship Alone,’ written by Bill Hull. caught my attention. It at once threw a yellow, if not red, flag for me. Paul wrote, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 (ESV) But as I pondered more on that, I understood that the truth of the statement would depend on how one interprets discipleship. If a person wants to become a disciple to earn or please God, that statement would certainly be heresy. However, if sincere discipleship or apprenticeship is a fruit of grace, it would not be done to earn life with God, rather, it would be as normal as breathing is to life. If discipleship or apprenticeship, which means going all in to be like Him, is a natural fruit of loving God, it would not be the antithesis of grace, but rather its daughter. If apprenticeship to Jesus would be aroused in these last days, Hallelujah! This would be in answer to my many prayers. How might you respond if you were presented with an opportunity to engage with that kind of discipleship?

I prefer the term apprenticeship because it is focused on one’s free will and love for God rather than an obligation to a dysfunctional desire to impress Him or man. In that sense, I believe Bill Hull has a strong point. It would be like saying if someone has quit breathing for an extended time, that person is dead. By the same token, if someone stops seeking to be more like Jesus, there is a serious spiritual problem. In the verse after Paul wrote that our salvation is not of works, he writes, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10 (ESV) These ‘works’ referenced here must be viewed as foreordained and empowered by God—certainly not an effort to earn God’s grace.

Paul’s words are very penetrating. “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.” 2 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT2) I do not believe he was asking us to be ‘navel gazers’ but I believe he is asking us to reexamine our attitude and motivation for attending church or otherwise practicing all our religious activities. For me, I don’t want to just maintain my belief in Christ until He returns to take us home or I die. I am serious about stretching myself to become more like Jesus. I want to be able to look back in six months or a year and clearly see how my relationship with Jesus has altered my perspective on life and changed me. I so desire to take on more of His awe-inspiring character, values, and ways. How about you?

When facing the possibility of death, what thoughts might go through your mind? Would you be thinking, well, my first choice would be to live here on earth forever? But if I can’t do that, considering my only two other choices, I guess I’ll choose Heaven? An unknown dying process and our God-given survival instinct, even if it is Heaven, might very well cause us to pause. But what might it tell us is our first love? Do you really think it would please God to see He must play second fiddle to any alternative, in contrast to being with Him? After all, Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.” Provocative thought, isn’t it? What worldly thing could possibly be more alluring than eternal life with Christ?

When considering death, Paul’s thoughts were, “For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.  But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So, I really don’t know which is better.  I’m torn between two desires: I long to be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.” Philippians 1:21-24 (NLT2)

 

I find it very interesting that God lets us, each of us and all of us, have our way. That sounds like heresy, but it certainly is true. Although God’s way is better, on earth, his authority is available, not forced. Surrender or submission requires more than lip service. It requires a transfer of power from us to God. Unfortunately, it is not a single, one-time decision. It is more like a tug-of-war that goes back and forth each day. It is reduced down to our responses to daily, appealing desires–temptations. To that, Jesus said, “… the one who endures to the end will be saved.” Mark 13:13b (ESV)

Let’s face it. This world has an abundance of attractive things to offer. Each person is attracted to different things for different reasons. For some, it is an adrenaline rush when shopping for clothes, shoes, a tool, a hobby-related toy, power/authority, popularity, a stock investment, car or business. It could be just being with a good friend or may even be a change in dopamine and serotonin levels sexual activities produce. Professionals often become co-dependent on seeing their patients or parishioners. Whatever the case, without realizing it, we can become addicted to a lot of things this world offers.

Keep in mind, the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He showed Jesus the nations and all their glory. The devil said, “I will give it all to you if you only kneel down and worship me.” (Mt. 4:8-9) This might be like offering Hitler, Alexander the Great, or even President Trump, Putin or whoever, to be a world ruler. Jesus saw all of it, then said, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, “‘You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’” Matthew 4:10 (ESV) He says to each of us, “you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Mark 12:30 (NLT2) It raises the question, what might the word “all” mean if it doesn’t mean all? He said, “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine.  If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.  If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” Matthew 10:37-39 (NLT2)

What has the devil been tempting you with of late? The Spirit will empower you to overcome. However, he offers it, then waits for your complete surrender to him.

An old idiom reads, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. That means an interpretation of beauty, etc., will vary according to the perspective of the viewer. If my image of God is an authoritarian, I would probably think His 10 Commandments were arbitrary orders that He would punish those who disobeyed.

However, if my image of God is a benevolent authority who only wants to protect us from pain, I would more likely think His 10 commandments were 10 absolutes, like the law of gravity, that, while in stone, yet were primarily to help us avoid the natural consequences of violating them.

I’ve recently been fascinated when comparing how those in our culture approach a situation where they feel insecure and need to control someone, be it an employee, a patron looking for a car to purchase, a politician seeking try to get a vote, or even a spouse wanting to get their spouse to do something a certain way or have a certain attitude. Common human control methods are a form of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, shrewdness, or various other forms of manipulation. At home, the habit may be to yell, strike, or throw a tantrum, placing a restraint upon a person to get the family member to do what they want done. I’m sure you get the idea.

Compare such approaches with Jesus, who had the same heart for people His Father had. Fundamentally, Jesus never used pressure or any harsh intimidating techniques common to mankind. Instead, He presented the truth of a better way and helped them see how following His option was more beneficial to them in the long run. He always showed deep respect for others’ ability to choose for him/herself. He let them deal with the outcomes of their bad decisions. I think of the young, rich young man who asked what He needed to do to receive eternal life. Jesus talked briefly with him, then saying if that is what you want, “go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasures in heaven; and come, follow me.” (Matthew 19:21, NKJV) If you noticed, Jesus never did one thing to attempt to coerce him into changing his mind. Nor did He chase after him to explain Himself or convince the young man to follow Him. If you examine Jesus’ methods, He used the same approaches His Father uses on us. He states His case and lets us decide. He confronted Saul, who became Paul, but He did nothing to force him to become His disciple. When Saul/Paul encountered the awe of God’s presence, on his own accord, he elected to follow Jesus’ instructions. Is that how you have approached your children, spouse, neighbor, or whoever? Have you respected the other person enough to ‘put the facts on the table’ and let him/her to make their decision—and honor it even if he/she made a bad choice?

To be transparent, while I have known God is a benevolent authority, I don’t remember thinking His 10 Commandments were anything other than coming from a case-hardened authority figure. If we violated them, He would see that we would be disciplined. It finally dawned me that violating one of the 10 Commandments would not bring His wrath and discipline. Instead, like gravity, He knows if you violate it, He will sadly watch you pay the natural consequences. Consequences serve as a discipline for wrong choices in business, sports, family, or whatever area of life. Remember, even the humanity of God’s Son, Jesus, learned to obey by experiencing the natural consequences. (Hebrew 5:8) How might your learned manipulative skill be used instead of God’s ways with you and me? Could there be a better way for you to approach a hard issue? This perspective has been a challenge for me to process and implement.

When you hear or read the word “gospel,” what comes to your mind? For me, it was just another way of referencing ‘Jesus saves’. That would be true—well, sort of true, anyway. Would that make the gospel of the kingdom of God and Jesus synonymous? When the word ‘Jesus’ is used, does it also mean kingdom? Or could it mean more, something broader than Jesus? The word “gospel” means good news and the only thing.

Luke 4:43 records a strange statement from Jesus during a fervent healing ministry when the disciples found Him in prayer. They told Jesus that people were waiting for Him, but He told them, “I must preach the good news [“gospel”] of the kingdom of God to the other towns as well; for I was sent for this purpose.” Luke 4:43, (ESV). Was Jesus’ assignment or purpose to tell them about Himself being crucified and rising again for them? When Jesus sent the twelve out to minister in various towns, He told them, “… proclaim as you go, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Matthew 10:7 (ESV) If He intended them to preach “Jesus saves”, He would have told them that. He intended for them to preach about the Kingdom of God, not a gospel about Jesus. So, what is the kingdom?

The kingdom of God comprises a condition where there is an authority figure, a ruling king. This king was Jesus (God), where there is “righteousness, peace and joy” and whatever He wants done is done. Any situation where God is King and His will is done is ‘good news’ compared to the culture found on this earth where independence prevails. It’s true, Jesus’ death and resurrection opened the door to God’s kingdom, but that kingdom’s vastness goes beyond both Jesus and the Father. Without doubt, our trinitarian God is the only one who can make that life possible, but one would be very hard pressed to say Jesus, the Spirit or Father, was the kingdom. The kingdom is a benevolent, governmental condition, His spirit domain.

With this in mind, how can we approach a conversation about the kingdom and Jesus? Is the single, defining factor our complete surrender, not merely acceptance, to His daily rule over our lives rather than a prayer for forgiveness?

It can be likened to Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.  He spoke in glowing terms to the crowd of marginalized people of that time, of “Blessed” life in the kingdom. What He doesn’t say is this ‘Blessed’ life comes through authentic surrender to the King of the Kingdom. He left that up to the crowd to desire that life enough to seek it. That is why Jesus later said in Matthew’s version of that sermon, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33 (NLT2)

I have been intrigued with how Jesus reflected His Father’s approach to working with humanity. He put out on the table the way to experience a righteousness that would exceed that of the scribes and Pharisees (Matt 5:20). Then, rather than manipulating them, He allowed them to take the initiative and diligently seek it. Jesus described that ‘seeking’ when He said, “And from the days of John the Baptist until the present time, the kingdom of heaven has endured violent assault, and violent men seize it by force [as a precious prize—a share in the heavenly kingdom is sought with most ardent zeal and intense exertion]. Matthew 11:12 (AMP) This begs the question, how violent have I been about seeking His kingdom to come in my daily life?

Most who receive my blogs know my wife graduated into her eternal reward February 28, 2024. To be transparent, this last year was the darkest, but also the brightest, time of my life. Let me explain. Through decades of ministry, I served many who had lost their spouse. Common grief was as real to me as it is to everyone. But it was not as debilitating because I had expected it. What I was blindsided by was my sense of lostness. I was frantically missing my long balancing bar tightrope walkers use. Lost in which direction I needed to head next, lost when making decisions, lost in my purpose for living, and lost in carrying on life. PLEASE try to understand, I am sharing this to be fully transparent, not to solicit sympathy. I am very pleased to report I have passed through that dark time and am now regaining my stability and purpose.

I wrote that to write this. Jesus told His disciples, “What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear!” Matthew 10:27 (NLT2). The context is different, but I sensed this also applies to my case. “The term “darkness” meant in secret or privacy. I believe in my darkness the Holy Spirit granted me fresh insights into who God is, His ways, and who I am. One insight I want to share is this. God only allows things to happen to His children to bless them, not hurt them, although at times it doesn’t feel that way. His word also states, “You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth.” Psalm 71:20 (NLT2) The word that captured my attention at this time in my life is “allowed”. That word speaks of His love for His children. Suffering can be a blessing if you humbly allow it to be so.

Is God good all the time? Absolutely! However, again, it doesn’t always feel that way. Do I believe in healing? Absolutely!! I prayed for the sick to be healed and witnessed a miracle before my eyes. How could I not believe in healing? However, healing is not the only tool in His toolbox to shape us into His likeness. Job is a classic example of this. Hezekiah would be an example of what happens when we throw a fit and insist that He do what we want at that point in time. Just so you know, God granted his request to live 15 extra years. But in those 15 years, he gave birth to a son who became one of the most ungodly kings of Judah. He also showed the Babylonian emissaries all his stored-up wealth. That led to the Babylonians coming back and not only killing thousands but also selecting the best of the best gifted leaders of Judah and marching them back to Babylon. Daniel and the three Hebrew children were among them.

The Holy Spirit has taught me a new level of faith in Him. I now have faith that is in who He is, not just in what He can do. Connie and I learned to trust in His Sovereignty, wisdom and love to do what is best for all. (Romans 8:28) Jesus’ crucifixion is a stunning example of this. He had asked of His Father, “may this cup of suffering be taken away from me” (Matthew 26:39). If the Father had granted that request, you and I wouldn’t have salvation today. Wasn’t that a far better plan? It’s not that we shouldn’t seek healing. Connie and I asked Him for that. But we trusted in His sovereignty, His character, wisdom, and love and Connie is now worshiping with the angels. Plus, He has walked with me through this and taught me so, so much.

If you can allow yourself to learn from my testimony, you will experience much more peace in your daily life. Not only will your anxiety be far less, He will also be able to teach you far more about Himself and yourself. When you kick the ends out of the box where you have placed God, you will find He is far greater and more trustworthy than you and I can imagine.