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When do you want to know what is expected of you? For the most part, we want to know what is expected of us whenever we are making a major decision in life. When you are considering a new job or asked to perform a specific task, one of the first questions you want to ask is what will be expected of me. When I was considering getting married about 60 years ago, I asked plenty of questions to find out what Connie, my fiancé then, and our parents, would expect of me. When I took out a loan to buy a car, or later a house, or made an investment; I wanted to know what was expected of me. I believe most of us would ask such questions at those times.

Many Christians, new and long-term believers, want to know what the church they attend expects of them if they become a member. A tougher time is, if we don’t ask it, we think it; what does God expect of me? When I recently pondered that question for myself, now that I’m retired, an Old Testament metaphor in Psalm came to mind. Psalm, Proverbs, Revelation, and others were also written in the Poetry genre. While there is a variety of genre of poetry, most first think of poetry as words that rhyme. Perhaps the most generic identifier of such poetry is how words shape word pictures that shape a higher impression on the reader. In other words, a word in poetry can mean something slightly different in the Psalm than it would normally mean.

The Psalm that came to my mind was, “The Ephraimites, armed with the bow, turned back on the day of battle. They did not keep God’s covenant, but refused to walk according to his law. They forgot his works and the wonders that he had shown them. In the sight of their fathers, he performed wonders in the land of Egypt, in the fields of Zoan.” Psalm 78:9-12, (ESV). Ephriam was the leading tribe of Israel. The point of these verses was referencing how these men, though most skilled and best equipped for battle, shirked their responsibility when the time came for them to stand tall and lead the way. In other words, it is telling us, the measure of capacity is the measure of duty. More simply put, God expects from you whatever He has equipped you to do. Jesus clarified what is expected of us when He said, “But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more. Luke 12:48 (ESV). While wrong is still wrong and will need to be dealt with, the discipline will be in proportion to the person’s capacity, or the knowledge given to them.

What God then expects of you depends upon what He has given you, be it knowledge, health, skill, talent, leadership, or wealth. What makes this a bit more challenging is when God has asked you to do something you are not equipped to do. He called me to supervise all our tribe’s pastors and churches in our state, and neither Connie nor I believed we were equipped to do that. What we forgot to include in the equation of expectations was, He equips who He calls. Since He called me and I wasn’t equipped in the natural to do it, He was essentially expecting Connie and me to depend on His power to do what we could not do alone.

The question then is for each of us to ask ourselves is, am I giving my best to do all 1) He has called me to do, and 2) He has otherwise equipped me to do either by natural abilities, health, training, or blessing He has given you along the way, such as leadership positions, wealth, or knowledge? When we stand before Him (2 Tim. 4:1), what are you going to say if you are not doing what He has called or equipped you to do?

Obviously, I have never physically given birth to a baby, but I feel like I’m giving birth to a concept. Sounds strange? Try to bear with me as I attempt to articulate on paper what is going through my mind and heart.

The infamous Bible character David wrote a significant part of the book of Psalm. He certainly loved God. I have been intrigued by how he saw God. God of the Bible is clear that we are not to make an idol or image of anything in heaven or on the earth or in the sea. (Exodus 20:4) God was angry when the Hebrews convinced Aaron to make a golden calf idol. We can’t blame the people for wanting something physical to represent the invisible God since it was before God had given His 10 commandments. Some church groups still use icons to remind them of Him. That is because we still find it hard to imagine what God might look like. When we pray, do we, consciously or not, direct our prayer to either a ‘God’ somewhere up there, or a humanized image of Jesus?

David described God with a variety of words pictures. In Psalm 18, he describes God as his strength, rock, fortress, deliverer, and shield. Today, most of us take comfort in one or more of those word pictures. How many of us have ever seen a fortress, except one we created when having snowball fights? They aren’t even seen in too many movies today. So, what word picture might we use when we pray? By humanizing figures like Jesus, we may mistakenly attribute human capabilities to God in our prayers of thanks. But that limits our imaginative capacity of God to what a human might do, even though we know God isn’t a human. So, what word picture might we use today that would express the awesomeness of God, which might allow greater confidence or substance to our prayers?

The Bible recounts God’s physical guidance of the Hebrews, using fire at night, a cloud by day, and both at Mt. Sinai in Exodus. So, would it be consistent with word pictures the Bible does use for us to see our God as a huge energy field and AI on super steroids? One large energy field we use almost every day is our magnetic north. A GPS or compass shows north in all parts of our world. This would make the magnetic north a very powerful, invisible energy field—something more awesome than we can comprehend. If we put that energy force field on steroids, as science fiction has created, that force field could pull spaceships to wherever it wanted. If we put that science fiction energy field on super mega steroids and give it a heart that expresses indescribable love, a mind that contains all knowledge and wisdom, and a power than can create suns, stars, or whatever out of nothing, could that represent our awe-inspiring invisible God?

I have been intrigued with how an awe-inspiring experience with God can literally change a person’s desires from being evil to being righteous. No human, machine or drug has that capability. It certainly changed Saul, a misguided abuser of Christians, into a Paul who became a dynamic leader and writer for the kingdom of God. If you consider Ezekiel 36:25-27, you find an encounter with God described that totally changes a person’s trajectory for the rest of their life. That leads me to suspect that we have somehow exchanged the need for awe encounters for religious rhetoric or, ritual or a simple acceptance of (versus submission to) God’s forgiveness. Where has that taken us?

Could it be that envisioning God as a sovereign energy force field might inspire a greater relatable awe in our prayers, belief system and therefore choices in life? What is your word picture of God?

Jesus said, “Honor your father and mother” Matthew 15:4a (NLT2). Paul wrote, “Honor your father and mother.” Ephesians 6:2a (NLT2). Why would Jesus and Paul say that knowing full well parents are human and will break God’s laws, some more flagrantly than others? It’s awful that some parents really hurt their kids through their choices and behavior. A heartbreaking number of children also had to grow up with “absentee” parents.

I’m grateful for a happy upbringing with wonderful parents. My dad and I, however, didn’t always see eye to eye. While in college, my dad would chide me about how ‘college changed me’. Because he enjoyed preaching, he’d always preach at me when I visited home from college. That got old fast. I soon questioned him, which angered him. Years of repeated patterns culminated in him ‘disowning’ me. My peace offering in the form of a letter was rejected by him. His father was a poor role model, and to add to his misfortune, his mother died when he was young. His response was to develop unhealthy behavioral patterns. He cut off contact with mom’s family because they disagreed with him. His tiffs with my mom’s family could sometimes take years to resolve, preventing her from seeing them again.

As it was in the past, it would take a couple of years to overcome his anger. Despite appearances, he profoundly loved God. He just hadn’t overcome his past pain. How could I then best honor and respect for my parents, especially my father?

Let’s face it, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. God, the flawless parent, watched as two of His creations made a wrong choice despite the perfection He provided for them. A child’s reaction to their parents depends on their own interpretation of their actions. Even if parents perfectly obey God’s laws, their children might still feel unloved or deprived. No matter how right their parents were, kids still get to decide how they feel about their parents’ choices. That also means they may carry low-grade bitterness throughout their lives.

Honoring my parents does not mean I honor their shortcomings. Honoring my parents has more to do with honoring the role they served in shaping me. When making a meal, various ingredients go into the preparation—some of which would be very distasteful on their own. In that light, my dad’s dysfunction taught me how to respond to those who disagreed with me, among other things. What I am today results from what our master-craftsman, God, taught me through how I was parented.  To dishonor my parents would actually be telling God He made a bad choice in placing me with the parents He did.

We can blame our parents for the problems we have in our life, but is that the truth? Blame has never solved a problem and never will. Keep in mind, children raised in the worst of home conditions have turned out to be very effective godly people, and vice versa.

All of life includes exposure to good and bad situations which continue to shape us. It really makes little difference if life throws rejection or acceptance, our chosen response determines our future. The same is true in how we were parented. “We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NIV) Can you honor your parents for the role they served in shaping you to be you?

To be very candid, I have had a melancholic temperament as long as I remember. Which, in essence means, this temperament is not carved out by things I’ve experienced in life. It simply means that I am what God created me to be. Therefore, I will respond to certain things in certain ways and have consistent behaviors and preferences towards things I encounter in life. Personality tests I’ve taken showed my traits include being thoughtful, sensitive, and reserved, but also include traits like being perfectionist, idealist and analytical. My wife repeatedly tried to correct me when I would say ‘I hope for the best and expect the worst’. Thanks to God and Him using her to help me, I have moved on from that.

I mention this to illustrate how our culture defines ‘joy’. Despite my strong belief in God’s regeneration, I mistakenly based my understanding of salvation’s joy on cultural norms instead of God’s definition. In doing so, I had to tell myself I had joy, but a different joy than other people seemed to have.

About 15 years ago, I was praying in my home office when I sensed God challenging me to probe deeper into the joy I did have. In doing so, I made a mental list of what I could honestly say brought me joy in this life. Since I was younger then, I genuinely enjoyed snow skiing. I experienced such exhilaration in the incredible beauty of God’s creation of snow-covered mountains all around me, the solitude of gliding down a blue slope hearing only my skis slipping over the snow. That wasn’t joyful, as in smiling or laughing. It was deeper than that. Yes, when comparing, I thought of being with close friends, eating a good meal, family time, and so forth, bringing great joy, but they were not the same type of joy skiing did. A couple of years ago, I attempted skiing again, but my age related poor balance made the experience more stressful than enjoyable.

I then laid alongside of those joy-filled experiences, the joy I felt when I was in God’s presence. There was absolutely no comparison. Being in His presence far excelled anything I have experienced in this life. To this day, I continue to thrive on being in His presence, especially since Connie is with Him now. Several times while I was worshipping Him, in my mind’s eye I saw Connie with hands raised worshipping our same Lord and King. It brings tears to my eyes as I write this. It is like a sacred moment for me because I have a fresh sense of closeness to her.

So how do you define joy? Is it dependent upon external circumstances or happenings? If so, I would caution you. True joy is something that wells up from within you. That is how you can have authentic joy and confidence when your emotions are crushed because it feels like all the ‘wheels have fallen off your tricycle’.

David contrasts the two types of joy when he wrote, “Many people say, ‘Who will show us better times?’ (External) Let your face smile on us, LORD. You have given me greater joy (internal) than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine.  In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.” Psalm 4:6-8 (NLT2) The joy our world defines and therefore chases is fleeting, while the joy God gives is much more stable and enduring. It is more like a good sense of well-being. Are you anywhere close to wrestling with what godly joy is? Just know this, “[God] satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” Psalm 107:8-9 (NIV) God waits to satisfy and fill you if you don’t have that joy.

Can you remember a teacher, parent or spouse telling you to meet at a certain place after the event so he/she could pick you up? …but when the event was over, you had become so entranced with the event you forgot and went to where you suspected your leader might be. What was the mood when that driver finally drove up? Was it a fun moment or not? Most likely that person was angry, and you were defensive. Regretful words were spoken, and the car became silent.

I’ve done something similar to God. He gave me a word of knowledge about a board member. When the board members showed up for a meeting, I told the person what I sensed the Spirit had told me. It hit a nerve, and he became angry. The Spirit whispered; I didn’t tell you to tell him. I told you that so you would pray for him and could talk to him when I prompted you. OOPS!!

Jesus had specifically told His disciples He would meet them in Galilee after He had risen from the dead. (Mark 14:28, Mathew 26:32) The morning He arose, an angel specifically at the tomb told the ladies to tell the disciples that Jesus was going to meet them in Galilee. (Mark 16:7; Matthew 28:7) Jesus Himself later also told the ladies the same thing. Matthew 28:10 So where did the disciples go after the resurrection? John 20:19 tells us that evening they were afraid and behind locked doors in Jerusalem!

What did Jesus say to them? He didn’t chide them or even bring the issue up! Knowing the trauma their humanity had just endured, He repeatedly said, “Peace be with you.” What might that reveal to you about God? What kind of God would respond like that? God is patient, long-suffering, gentle, self-controlled, and more. The fact is, that is precisely what you and I will be like the more intimate we get with our Lord. Paul says those are sample fruit or signs of you and me growing closer to Him. Isn’t that an incentive to sacrifice time to be more with Him, to study His Word? Paul explained, “So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 (NLT2). Who wouldn’t want to have that happen to them?

What obstacle keeps us from spending more time with Him? Most would say it is time. We are busy people. The reality, we find time to do what we want to do. If we are the people pleaser type, we will do things someone wants us to do even if it takes us away from investing time gazing at the Lord and allowing that to change us little by little into His “glorious image”. If we want to score points to build our image or whatever, we will do crazy things, things we don’t want to do, to expose ourselves to a certain person who we hope will be impressed with what we may do. I suspect you get my point because there are a lot of examples of how we tell ourselves we are too busy to spend valued time with our Creator.

Please know, I am talking to myself when I say these things. If it applies to you as well, that is between you and God. The fact is, we don’t have to spend hours praying, fasting, or do religious rituals. It is amazing what 15 minutes a day in solitude focused on God can do to you. It will probably increase your desire for more of His presence. It even helps me to get with other like-minded people and discuss Bible passages, principles or concepts. What could you do to carve out time to be in solitude with Him? Would it be worth it to experience that change?

I sometimes wonder if I have an adult form of ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder). I think of something I need to do in a different room and forget that task before I get in that room. In that short time lapse, my mind has dashed onto another subject. Sound familiar? When I pray, it only takes moments before my mind sprints off to something different from praying. In this context, when I read Paul’s words, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” Colossians 3:2, (ESV), my mental radar screen goes blank. Lacking clarity on what that means, my mind streaks off in an entirely different direction. Obviously, this doesn’t happen to me all the time, but certainly more often than I like! I can get so frustrated with myself.

Since Connie’s graduated to her reward, I have increased my learning of God, His Word, and myself. The Spirit has used her prayer journals to speak both comfort and correction to me, for which I am most grateful. Through all that has happened, I have found a fresh appreciation for who our God is—His ways, values, character and attributes. I found the review of His names in the Bible, revealing who He is, inspiring and insightful. As I meditate on each name, my mind becomes focused on “things that are above”. For instance, in Genesis 16:13, Hagar identified the Lord as El Roi, the “God of seeing,” after her encounter. That experience made me realize, in a very real way, that God is seeing me in my grief as a widower. I find myself praising not only what He does, but who He is; a praise that comes from my heart, not just my head. His felt presence then came over me like a soothing wave. I had known He saw me for years, but setting my mind on things above and applying it to where I was in life made that fact so much more personal and real.

When I considered His name Elohim, I was reminded of how, in the Bible, that name is a plural noun, meaning He is not one person but three—God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. So, when I use the term God in prayer or conversation, I am addressing all of them at the same time. The three are so intertwined. It is as though they are dancing as one, working as one, loving, seeing and caring for me as one. Together, they dwell within me, so what do I have to fear? Again, as I think through that perfect unity of love, wisdom, power, and all He (they) is (are), again like a wave of the sea, His presence crashes over me resulting in praise from my inner being bursting out towards Him.

There certainly are more ways to set your mind on things above than what I’ve mentioned here, so relax. You were not designed by a cookie cutter. How you set your mind on things above, and how you respond in His felt presence, will be different. The bottom line is, when you encounter His felt presence, you are changed from glory to glory. You can ask Him how you can set your mind on things above so you can benefit from it in your daily life. Just find a way to do it.

If you want to use the method I described above, do a Google search on the names of God. Then take time to allow your mind to imagine what all that name means and how it applies to you. You can take one of His names with you to work. Then, you can set your mind on things above, so as soon as you finish a task, your mind can snap back to thinking about things above. I pray it will inspire you, as it has me. But again, considering the names of God is NOT an exclusive way to set your mind on things above. The Spirit has a way that will bring His joy into your life.

A Psalm that captured my attention today was “Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Psalm 63:3 (ESV). What it brought to my attention was just how stunning God’s steadfast love is. It is better than life itself. That is easy to say unless you are gasping for your last breath of life. Then the survival instinct triggers desperation and at that moment, the breath of life totally dominates your thoughts. But does that moment really trump the great pleasure a person has for God’s steadfast love? Or is it just a momentary instinct?

I’ve been reading Connie’s (my deceased wife) prayer journals. I am learning a lot about what solid faith in God looks like in real time. I’m learning God is not as interested in our momentary feelings as He is in the throbbing of our inner man that is far more stable. There is no doubt about it, Connie’s mind and emotions relentlessly tried to pull her into the thick quagmire of disappointment, defeat, and discouragement. However, as you read her notes, like a powerful rubber band, she would invariably snap back to the passion and conviction in her heart, which was her conviction of the steadfast love God had for her and the strength she received from that. To be candid, this resilience has been so stunning it brought me to tears multiple times.

I think of the past Christian martyrs. I think specifically of Stephen, an early church deacon who was brought before the Jewish leader’s council.  “… everyone in the high council stared at Stephen, because his face became as bright as an angel’s. Acts 6:15 (NLT2). His humanity faced extreme pressure, but he didn’t allow it to crush him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Acts 7:55 (NLT2). Jesus was otherwise said to be sitting at the right hand of the Father, but now He was “standing”. That suggests to me Stephen envisioned Jesus standing and cheering Him on. When these Jewish leaders saw their intimidation wasn’t working, they took him out of the city and threw stones at him. He didn’t have Sylvester Stallone’s body in the movie ‘Rocky’. I can’t help but think he felt the immediate pain when a stone thrown by the Jewish leaders hit his body. It was in the pain of the dying process, “He fell to his knees, shouting, ‘Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!’ And with that, he died.” Acts 7:60 (NLT2). As Jesus watched, He wasn’t focused on the instantaneous thought that flashed through Stephen’s mind when the stone hit him. He was delighted in Stephen’s resilient faith in Him.

We can’t stop birds flying over our heads, but we can keep them from making a nest there. We can’t control random thoughts, but we are accountable for the thoughts we dwell on.

I have taken comfort hundreds of times when unhealthy thoughts passed through my head, but like a rubber band, my mind would snap back to focusing on God and His word. I believe faith in God doesn’t stop the birds from flying over your head. Rather, it is all about fixing our mind on things above. “To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6 (NRSV). Paul also wrote, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2 (ESV)

What have you been doing to set your mind on the things above? You can only do that by spending valued time in His Presence reading His Word. There are no short cuts to this.

Luke records a parable Jesus told as they were nearing Jerusalem in chapter 19:1-27. A trip was made by a nobleman to claim the title that would make him king of the surrounding territory. The disciple’s assumption was that the Kingdom of God was to about to begin, so Jesus was preparing them for what was to come.

He took on the persona of a nobleman who needed to make a lengthy trip to receive the right to be king. The disciples grasped the symbolism due to the passing of Herod the Great. To become rulers over parts of their father’s territory, each of Herod the Great’s sons – Herod Antipas, Herod Philip, and Herod Archelaus – had to journey to Rome to gain approval. Archelaus would have become king over Judea, however 50 Jewish men journeyed to Rome to express their opposition to his rule, as hinted at in the parable.

The parable depicts a nobleman entrusting 10 responsible servants with a sum equivalent to three months’ wages each.  Here is what has stood out to me today. Leaving them unchecked and unsupervised, he instructed them to “occupy until I return” (v 13, KJV). To us, that is a very broad term!! The ESV version renders the original word for “occupy” as “engage in business”, while NLT2 translates it as “invest”. Today, I believe this means I need to use the unique abilities Christ has given me until I face Him on Judgement Day. We should all be prepared for the inquiry, “What did you do with the blessings I bestowed upon you?”

Each stage of our life presents different opportunities to invest what He entrusted us to use. Adults are expected to be more productive than children. God’s expectations for retirees differ from those of younger, more robust individuals. My point is; depending on the variables given to each person at each point in their life, each will be held accountable when they stand before Christ.

I have been reading Connie’s (my deceased wife) prayer journals. They are humbling, breaking, and challenging. They are teaching me valuable lessons for which I am very grateful. During her most vibrant years, she performed remarkable acts of service, as remembered by those who knew her. Yet, her accomplishments were altered by the onset of Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS). She no longer could physically do all she had done earlier. Her journal documented her increasing struggles with self-worth. The inability to perform like she used to was a constant burden on her mental and emotional state. Her persistent disappointments and fears couldn’t stop her from fighting back. The Spirit of God was shaping her for the grander divine tasks He had planned for her in Heaven, even amidst the intensely challenging battles she faced. With almost no physical means to gain self-worth, she endured 3 years and 3 months solely relying on scripture and its promises to battle her mind and emotions. Picture yourself enduring those hourly battles for that duration. I now realize it’s in those moments of inactivity and vulnerability that the fiercest battles are fought.

How might “occupy till I come” apply to whatever stage of life you find yourself? Have you been concentrating on using your gifts to honor God, or to advance your own comfort or interests? Can you confidently say you have readied yourself to receive praise from Him? Hearing the words well done is much better than well said or good intentions. Your past is fixed, but you have the ability to influence your future. Might you sense you need to strategize any changes in your life?

Faith is hard for us to define in practical terms. Therefore, there is a great assortment of definitions assigned to faith. Some have faith in themselves, their wisdom, wealth, position, or in a set of creeds, a worldview, an organization, or their hero. I’ve been pondering exactly what is the purpose of faith? Why did God have to give us faith? (Ephesians 2:8) Is faith for getting what we want from God? That certainly could be interpreted from what Jesus said about healing. But could it be we are misinterpreting what Jesus was really was saying about faith in that context? After all, John 2:23-25 clearly points out that “… many believed in his name when they saw the miracles He was doing.” John 2:23 (ESV) However the very next verse reads, But Jesus … did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people… John 2:24 (ESV) That is saying that while people had that kind of faith/belief in Him, yet that belief was not the right type of faith that would get Him to give Himself to them. That means not just any definition of faith is acceptable to Him. That is profound and extremely significant. Elsewhere, the Bible places such a profound emphasis on it, especially where it reads, “…without faith it is impossible to please him…” (Hebrews 11:6a, ESV). If we expect to be approved when we stand before Him, wouldn’t it be in our best interest to have His definition of faith and why He must give it to us?

A more literal and complete translation of Hebrews 11:6 reads, “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. Hebrews 11:6 (NASB) Many translators replace the word ‘is’ with the word exists, which can be misleading. Demons believe He exists, but that belief is certainly not redemptive! (James 2:19) What is consistent throughout the Bible is that God insists on us believing all of who it says He is in character, sovereignty, all-knowing, all powerful, eternal, and all His other attributes. The “rewarder” piece is a further reference to His character.

The centurion, when requesting Jesus to heal his son, said to Jesus, “I know this because I am under the authority of my superior officers, and I have authority over my soldiers. I only need to say, ‘Go,’ and they go, or ‘Come,’ and they come. And if I say to my slaves, ‘Do this,’ they do it.” Matthew 8:9 (NLT2) Jesus’ response to him was, “… he was amazed. Turning to those who were following him, he said, ’I tell you the truth, I haven’t seen faith like this in all Israel!’” Matthew 8:10 (NLT2) His answer revealed He saw Jesus to be God in the flesh who had total authority over all creation, not just trivial authority over other humans. That was what Jesus perceived in this man and caused Jesus to marvel! The man had experienced the faith of God, not just the faith in Him. It is that definition of faith, when exercised, that releases Him to be fully God and be “a rewarder”. When given God’s faith, (Eph. 2:8), He “rewards” us with salvation, healing, miraculous interventions, and His ability to continue to change our life into His image.

Connie’s (my wife) prayer journals consistently repeated that she hoped for her healing and became discouraged, since that request was not being answered. However, she consistently followed that sentiment by writing her much stronger desire was to leave that decision up to the all-knowing God, who she passionately loved and fully trusted. When a person genuinely surrenders their natural desires to their sovereign, loving God, that is a divine faith that allows Him to do what is best, not just what we prefer.

I now see faith as the crucial resource for connecting with God, not just to satisfy our desires.

I find great encouragement as I look back and reflect on how the Holy Spirit has guided, protected, and empowered me. I’m awestruck by the miracles (occurrences that are completely beyond my capacity to achieve) He worked through me. To be candid, I’m also in awe at how so much happened when I was not even aware it was happening!! This is the joyful, healthy aspect of reminiscing.

However, remembering these fruits reminds me of other choices that have been not so good. I also see what now brings me shame. What brings me the most shame has been my persistent resistance to God. Each higher-level assignment He called me to do, those I felt were outside my natural talents or outside Connie and my preferences. I pushed back hard. I obeyed, yet was passively resistant for a year or more in one case. I’m also amazed that God’s anointing kept working miracles through me, even though I resisted Him so much! What might that say about God’s grace and ways with us?

A less than healthy response has been my subtle impulse to be more Martha-like, focused on action and organization, than Mary-like, whose focus was on intimate time with Jesus. (Luke 10:38-42) Martha became upset that Mary sat before Jesus while she did all the meal preparation work. Martha’s love language was ‘doing’ ministry for Jesus rather than ‘being’ a worshiper of Him. Those in the medical or social serving jobs often find greater joy in serving others rather than their families or even their own needs. The clergy are not immune to falling into this same trap. Speaking from experience, clergy can become codependent on their jobs instead of focusing on their relationship with Christ. You see it mostly when they’re no longer in their position. They then struggle to find a job that makes them feel valued. Sadly, they can end up becoming dissenters. Why? Unknowingly, they need to keep that codependency going. They don’t realize what a stronger relationship with God they could have if they just studied His Word.

I thought I was content after retiring—until an inviting opportunity to return to serving others presented itself. That opportunity was on my mind constantly, despite the big risks. It took 7-10 days before I remembered the warning I’d given to those I served who were bereaved. Death of a spouse is the number one most stressful life event, making them super vulnerable. I warned them against making life-altering decisions unless forced or divinely guided. When that fact emerged out of the fog, I felt totally at peace. In hindsight, I chased the Martha in me, not my relationship with Christ. This revelation made me grateful for the humbling offer, but also for the Spirit revealing my subtle, misaligned desires.

Following your mind and emotions might sound good, but it won’t always lead you to what’s truly best.  Intimacy with Christ is where the real satisfaction lies. What may be your greatest desire? When looking back, have you been chasing the century proven ‘best’ offer because it brings the most fulfillment? Or have you been allured into chasing after ‘good’ things that will soon fade into the shadows? After the initial emotional rush of an opportunity passes, it is important to look at the bigger and longer lasting opportunity. I pray for God’s best for you.