Dependent?

Very candidly, I am going to share what I am being challenged within my spirit today.  For me, this is as fresh as my blog can get. 

I have reflected on the Adam and Eve’s condition before and after their fatal decision to choose to no longer be dependent on God for knowledge of good and evil.  Their condition before this fall was living the ultimate good life on earth as well as relationship with God—what we all dream of experiencing—heaven on earth.  After their fall everything radically changed.  Immediately they began to experience self-consciousness, shame, fear, guilt; the very defects that plague us today.  What brought about these painful changes?  I believe it was their choice to be independent from God instead of being dependent upon Him.  The question I have been asking myself is, in what ways am I not being dependent upon Him?

The ghost of my independence appears when I do not wait on God to whisper His guidance or answer.  In those times I do not wait for Him to bring His holy presence and nearness in my prayer time.  If I do not sense His presence or whisper as quickly as I want, my mind starts making petitions or becoming distracted with other thoughts.  Finally, I act on whatever notions come to mind.  That inadvertent response reflects my dependence on myself and a lack of a sense of absolute poverty and helplessness without Him.  That grieves me as it does my God. 

The Psalmist wrote As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he shows us his mercy (Psalm 123:2, NIV)   Isaiah wrote O LORD, be gracious to us; we wait for you. Be our arm every morning, our salvation in the time of trouble (Isaiah 33:2, ESV).  This was the dependency level Mary was expressing in Luke 10:42 that Jesus defined as the good or better part.  This concept is repeated in various forms many times in Scripture.   

Most of us wait only upon God for what we can get from Him, the answer or provision we hope to receive from Him.  Our prayers are more about us than about waiting for Him to take His place as God in that special worship time.  When He does make His presence known there is such a calm, silent joy and nearness that dissolves our anxiety, frustration and self-centeredness.  It is His presence that changes our requests or how we continue to pray.  This is what Jesus was referring to when He said, If you live in me and what I say lives in you, then ask for anything you want, and it will be yours (John 15:7, GW).     

It can be enlightening if we seriously ask ourselves “for what am I waiting?” or “on whom am I waiting?”  “Is my God like a vending machine idol of some sort?”  No!  He is the living God in all His great glory, infinite holiness, power, wisdom, love and goodness.  If it is true that God alone is goodness and joy and love; if it be true that our highest blessedness is having as much of Him as we can, nothing less than dependent waiting on Him can satisfy the cry of our heart. 

Holy Spirit, please remind me to deliberately take time to wait dependently upon you as the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master.   I have known the most magnificent pleasure of being in Your presence and want to sacrifice whatever to enjoy it more often.  I pray that those who read this will also want You, not for Your gifts, but Your incredible presence.  

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