I find great encouragement as I look back and reflect on how the Holy Spirit has guided, protected, and empowered me. I’m awestruck by the miracles (occurrences that are completely beyond my capacity to achieve) He worked through me. To be candid, I’m also in awe at how so much happened when I was not even aware it was happening!! This is the joyful, healthy aspect of reminiscing.
However, remembering these fruits reminds me of other choices that have been not so good. I also see what now brings me shame. What brings me the most shame has been my persistent resistance to God. Each higher-level assignment He called me to do, those I felt were outside my natural talents or outside Connie and my preferences. I pushed back hard. I obeyed, yet was passively resistant for a year or more in one case. I’m also amazed that God’s anointing kept working miracles through me, even though I resisted Him so much! What might that say about God’s grace and ways with us?
A less than healthy response has been my subtle impulse to be more Martha-like, focused on action and organization, than Mary-like, whose focus was on intimate time with Jesus. (Luke 10:38-42) Martha became upset that Mary sat before Jesus while she did all the meal preparation work. Martha’s love language was ‘doing’ ministry for Jesus rather than ‘being’ a worshiper of Him. Those in the medical or social serving jobs often find greater joy in serving others rather than their families or even their own needs. The clergy are not immune to falling into this same trap. Speaking from experience, clergy can become codependent on their jobs instead of focusing on their relationship with Christ. You see it mostly when they’re no longer in their position. They then struggle to find a job that makes them feel valued. Sadly, they can end up becoming dissenters. Why? Unknowingly, they need to keep that codependency going. They don’t realize what a stronger relationship with God they could have if they just studied His Word.
I thought I was content after retiring—until an inviting opportunity to return to serving others presented itself. That opportunity was on my mind constantly, despite the big risks. It took 7-10 days before I remembered the warning I’d given to those I served who were bereaved. Death of a spouse is the number one most stressful life event, making them super vulnerable. I warned them against making life-altering decisions unless forced or divinely guided. When that fact emerged out of the fog, I felt totally at peace. In hindsight, I chased the Martha in me, not my relationship with Christ. This revelation made me grateful for the humbling offer, but also for the Spirit revealing my subtle, misaligned desires.
Following your mind and emotions might sound good, but it won’t always lead you to what’s truly best. Intimacy with Christ is where the real satisfaction lies. What may be your greatest desire? When looking back, have you been chasing the century proven ‘best’ offer because it brings the most fulfillment? Or have you been allured into chasing after ‘good’ things that will soon fade into the shadows? After the initial emotional rush of an opportunity passes, it is important to look at the bigger and longer lasting opportunity. I pray for God’s best for you.