Insights Out of Darkness

Most who receive my blogs know my wife graduated into her eternal reward February 28, 2024. To be transparent, this last year was the darkest, but also the brightest, time of my life. Let me explain. Through decades of ministry, I served many who had lost their spouse. Common grief was as real to me as it is to everyone. But it was not as debilitating because I had expected it. What I was blindsided by was my sense of lostness. I was frantically missing my long balancing bar tightrope walkers use. Lost in which direction I needed to head next, lost when making decisions, lost in my purpose for living, and lost in carrying on life. PLEASE try to understand, I am sharing this to be fully transparent, not to solicit sympathy. I am very pleased to report I have passed through that dark time and am now regaining my stability and purpose.

I wrote that to write this. Jesus told His disciples, “What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear!” Matthew 10:27 (NLT2). The context is different, but I sensed this also applies to my case. “The term “darkness” meant in secret or privacy. I believe in my darkness the Holy Spirit granted me fresh insights into who God is, His ways, and who I am. One insight I want to share is this. God only allows things to happen to His children to bless them, not hurt them, although at times it doesn’t feel that way. His word also states, “You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth.” Psalm 71:20 (NLT2) The word that captured my attention at this time in my life is “allowed”. That word speaks of His love for His children. Suffering can be a blessing if you humbly allow it to be so.

Is God good all the time? Absolutely! However, again, it doesn’t always feel that way. Do I believe in healing? Absolutely!! I prayed for the sick to be healed and witnessed a miracle before my eyes. How could I not believe in healing? However, healing is not the only tool in His toolbox to shape us into His likeness. Job is a classic example of this. Hezekiah would be an example of what happens when we throw a fit and insist that He do what we want at that point in time. Just so you know, God granted his request to live 15 extra years. But in those 15 years, he gave birth to a son who became one of the most ungodly kings of Judah. He also showed the Babylonian emissaries all his stored-up wealth. That led to the Babylonians coming back and not only killing thousands but also selecting the best of the best gifted leaders of Judah and marching them back to Babylon. Daniel and the three Hebrew children were among them.

The Holy Spirit has taught me a new level of faith in Him. I now have faith that is in who He is, not just in what He can do. Connie and I learned to trust in His Sovereignty, wisdom and love to do what is best for all. (Romans 8:28) Jesus’ crucifixion is a stunning example of this. He had asked of His Father, “may this cup of suffering be taken away from me” (Matthew 26:39). If the Father had granted that request, you and I wouldn’t have salvation today. Wasn’t that a far better plan? It’s not that we shouldn’t seek healing. Connie and I asked Him for that. But we trusted in His sovereignty, His character, wisdom, and love and Connie is now worshiping with the angels. Plus, He has walked with me through this and taught me so, so much.

If you can allow yourself to learn from my testimony, you will experience much more peace in your daily life. Not only will your anxiety be far less, He will also be able to teach you far more about Himself and yourself. When you kick the ends out of the box where you have placed God, you will find He is far greater and more trustworthy than you and I can imagine.

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