I get impatient easily, such as in traffic, in a queue, or at a doctor’s office. I spent hours at the hospital waiting to be discharged. My frustration grew as I waited. I considered trying to intervene but knew it would create a bigger mess.
Ironic as it sounds, previously I had been having a delightful time only minutes earlier, thanking, praising and worshiping God. Then, I was focused on gratitude and awe for how He used my TIA diagnosis to remind me I couldn’t trust myself. Only He and His direction of events could be trusted regarding my brief hospital stay. I am unreliable because of my wobbly trust. I saw clearly that I had to leave my life in God’s hands, no matter what.
God is patiently using painful events to break my obsession with the physical. When I feel God is putting me in an unhappy place, my spirit faith would tell my fickle soul that it’s better to trust in God’s love than to rely on myself. Joseph experienced the pit, prison, and being forgotten only to rise to the second in command of Egypt. How can I be so upset by a hospital discharge delay? Shouldn’t I patiently await my loving God’s work to remove my impatience? God arranged for Jonah to be spewed out at the perfect time and place to fulfill what God had asked him to do.
What does my flawed self say about submitting my world to Him? Can I trust Him enough to allow Him to use my illness and hospital stay to lead me? Although I resisted like a child, He’s done so much through me; why does He still put up with my persistent independence?
Samson killed a lion, and later, feeling down, he discovered honey in its skull, from which he drew strength. Why do we struggle to trust God to bring good from our pain? He utilizes that pain to prepare us for His greater plan. Daniel was marched as a prisoner from Jerusalem to Babylon to be tossed into the lions’ den, then ultimately to become a hero of our faith.
I’m truly ashamed of my continuous, toddler-like resistance to God’s wonderful plan for me. What amazes me further is that having patiently wrestled with me, He invests even more grace to teach me to surrender more to His loving trust and mercy. How glorious and marvelous is the God we serve! Deep contemplation of this is very humbling.
What is God trying to teach you that you don’t want to learn? Since Connie graduated, it seems He has been reshaping my independence, so I trust only Him for my future. I hate to admit this, but I just want to know where I’m headed. This shows my mind secretly fears He’ll ruin my future, even though I know that’s not true. His character history reveals He doesn’t want me or anyone else to be spiritually barren on this earth. Fruitfulness is consistently high on His core value list, but it will also involve risk. Will I ever be able to accept the truth emotionally? Not until I decide to fully abandon myself to Him. Where might you be in this area of your real-time daily life?
I’m slowly accepting that this world is a perfectly good and safe place for anyone to be, no matter the circumstances, if I have truly placed my life in the hands of God.