When our daughters were small, one would get frustrated with the other and hit them if they weren’t getting their way. We told them to tell their sister they were sorry for hitting them. But they would soon forget and do it again. So, what kind of ‘I’m sorry’ will cause a change in thinking and therefore behavior?
I have counseled and coached various forms of addicts, troubled marriages, people with ideals of living like Jesus and everything in between. Of course, initially I would see a spurt in their efforts to make necessary changes, but those spurts would drizzle down to them giving up. I discovered through the years my counseling or coaching, by themselves, would not change them. I continued to work with some for decades but getting the same results. Eventually I realized my skill sets were impotent to bring about a changed life, so I searched for catalysts that would lead to them changing their life.
In essence, it was obvious that if the needed change did not flow out of their own deep convictions, any behavioral modification or mental gymnastics would be futile. Paul described in his letter to the Corinthians what we might think of as a cause-and-effect matrix. He wrote, for godly grief [the cause] produces a repentance (effect: radical change of thinking) that leads to salvation without regret (2 Corinthians 7:10, ESV). If there is only regret or sorrow for getting caught, the change would only be cosmetic or temporary. Old Testament writers revealed the spiritual dynamics of that principle. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18, ESV). The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: “I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts (Isaiah 57:15, NLT2). They also reveal the why part of the equation. Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Proverbs 28:13 (ESV). Another translation of that is people who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy (Proverbs 28:13, NLT2). Their pride leads them to hide their sin instead of allowing their hearts to become brokenhearted or crushed, which allows them to humbly confess their sin. Until a person addicted to alcohol, pornography, unhealthy independence, etc., is brokenhearted with their sin, no amount of treatment will be sustainable.
There is a significant difference between humbly admitting (owning) their core problem and only acknowledging they have a problem. However, no one can force another person to own their addiction, selfish attitude in a marriage, or their unhealthy independent attitude. So how can a person come to a place of authentic humility or brokenness? It requires each person to have a positive traumatic-like encounter with the God of the Bible. Before Saul became the born-again Paul, God met him. That divine encounter dramatically reversed how Saul thought about Christ. (Cf. Acts 9:3-6, 22:6-10) In the presence of a divine Christ, no matter how intense, sins become conspicuous. The revelation breaks their heart enough to change the direction of their life. The Spirit responds to that by breaking the bondage of their addition and healing of their wounds. Without it, their change is not sustainable. Usually, these encounters involve a series of steps that begin with curiosity or the urge to investigate the truth about the God of the Bible. Are you sensing an inner tug to know God more personally? If so, a divine meeting with God is ahead of you. I urge you NEVER to ignore His gentle drawing. Instead, chase after where it leads you. Fresh freedom and joy await you.
Good stuff, Pastor Bob.
Thank you for the encouragement Bob! It is a blessing.